They say that ignorance is bliss
And what is there to do about it.
Still my friend Irma has too much of this,
But she wouldn’t be Irma without it.
 

My friend Irma says,
“Chow Mein is a street
Where the Chinese people go
When they all meet to eat.”

My friend Irma says,
“A meatball is a dance
Where the lonesome butchers go
When looking for romance.”

She said, “I tried some make-up,
Put pancake on my skin;
Though I looked sweet, it wasn’t neat,
The syrup dripped down my chin.”

My friend Irma lives in a world apart,
But men prefer their dates with her,
Ahe makes them feel so smart.
May be my friend Irma
Is not so very dumb at heart.
 

My friend Irma says,
“I have always known
That when you call musicians up,
You need a saxophone.”

My friend Irma says,
“Bird dogs are a lie;
I bought a pup and he grew up
But never learned to fly.”

She bought a clock last summer
But now her wall is blank;
She heard of Daylight Saving Time
And took it right to the bank.

My friend Irma lives in a world a-part,
Men prefer their dates with her,
She makes them feel so smart.
May-be my friend Irma
Is not so very dumb at heart.

 

Extra Choruses

3.
My friend Irma says,
“I made a big mistake;
I heard my car had fluid drive
And drove it in the lake.”

My friend Irma says,
“I taught my cow to waltz;
I figured when I milked the beast
I’d get vanilla malts.”

She always goes to movies,
And knows the stars, she brags:
Thinks Bing’s a noise and Hope’s a wish
And Paramount means two nags.

My friend Irma’s dumb,
But she’s not a bore,
And men invite her out each night;
She always makes them roar.
Maybe my friend Irma’s
The one who really knows the score.

4.
My friend Irma says,
“Gin rummy is a sin;
I find it hard to see my card
When I am drinking gin.”

My friend Irma says,
“Moth-balls are no fun;
I chase each moth from cloth to cloth
And never hit a one.”

She really thinks a boycott
Is just a bed for tots;
That two and two are twenty-two
And gravy boats are big yachts.

My friend Irma has
Her own delightful hold;
She’s like a child who drives you wild,
But still you never scold.
Be like my friend Irma,
And keep yourself from growing old.

5.
My friend Irma says,
“I planted my new shoe;
I gave it water every day
But shoe trees never grew.”

My friend Irma says,
“I sleep in my best gown;
‘Cause in my dreams I always meet
The nicest folks in town.”

She says, “I don’t dig be-bop
Though I’m alert and young;
I tried to bop a bee on top
And ended up getting stung.”

My friend Irma keeps
Logic on the run;
Through her I.Q. is minus two
She’s quite the happy one,
‘Cause my good friend Irma
Turns all her troubles into fun.